(Don’t read until you’re sure you’re ready to feel a little uncomfortable about the lies you tell yourself – and me…!)
I’ve always cringed a little when people call me a photographer.
It used to be because of low self-worth, lack of technical mastery, and this feeling that I’d never ever truly grasp the science behind good lighting (I do everything through intuition – which turned out to be my gift, not a weakness)…
…And now, it’s because it’s often said in the context of “but I don’t need a photographer”.
Which is fine. Many people don’t *need* a photographer. But many people also don’t *need* to pay for yoga classes, or get that self-help course, or that retreat that promises you’ll find more emotional clarity. I mean, if it’s not food, water, and shelter – your ego likes to tell you everything else is fluff.
And my work – my life, my words, my everything – none of that has EVER been just about the photos or aesthetics.
(Truth > Aesthetics)
See, here’s the thing:
The people who shout the loudest that they don’t need my work – which is a combination of photography with shadow work – are often the ones who tend to need my work the most.
Like a guy I once messaged sending condolences for something, who replied with “IM FINE I AM OVER IT I AM OK”.
*takes a gentle step back from the deflection*
Or the client who – bless her 10x over because she’s grown so much now – used to run from her uncomfortable emotions (and now HAPPILY places herself into discomfort as though it’s a fun ride – which, to be fair, it can be if you know how to navigate)…
Or the potential clients who suddenly freak out when it’s payment time and make up an excuse on why they need to delay the shoot to “another time” (which is usually coincidentally a time that I would logically be booked up – the self-sabotage is real!)…
Or the lovely lady I worked with, who found herself loving parts of herself that she had previously felt the need to cover up and hide (after one (!) session)….
Or the people who feel a massive resistance to my work, a trigger-feeling in my images – or a massive doubt that I can truly capture them. I mean…. that’s the number one promise of my visual work: to capture you, authentically. So if you doubt the only thing I specialise in, the only thing past clients consistently claim I do – is the self-doubt truly on me, or a fear that I actually *WILL* capture you?
To be quite frank – I don’t call potential clients out on their BS, because if they are super keen to work with me, but suddenly get RESISTANT to investing in themselves (or feel that reconnecting with themselves is something that deserves to be put off for “later”), they usually aren’t ready to have me break down all the walls of excuses and BS they’ve been building most of their lives – and self-care is knowing when to save your energy.
So when I cringe at being called a photographer, it’s not because I don’t like the word. It’s because I can spot bullshit from 10,000 miles away (literally), and I’m highly intolerant to people hiding their issues and then transmuting it into saying things they don’t actually mean. It’s 70% of what I do: point out your BS so you can get strip it away from your truth, guide you RIGHT into the shadows of things you’ve been denying, and break down every obstacle you’ve conveniently placed in front of your own success and happiness.
Little do people know that my intake calls are actually part of the shadow work. I don’t dive into pools I haven’t dipped my toes into yet – and while my work is powerful, it’s not for everyone. If I want to help my clients reconnect with their power, I have to make sure my energy is only saved for people who are TRULY ready to get uncomfortable. The application form, the intake call, even the payment process: these are merely little indicators that show me – and you – how you will handle the worksheets, the multiple days you spend being truly SEEN with nowhere to hide, the questioning, the navigating of everything that makes you want to shrink. Your input in my process dictates your pattern in our results together.
So did you show up fully for a bit and then run? That’s probably what’s happening in your relationships, with your money, with your sense of joy.
Did you flake on my call with some BS excuse and little remorse? Look at your life. Where else is stuff just “not showing up” for you?
Do you find yourself filled with skepticism and doubt while we talk? Where is that doubt showing up in the rest of your life (or, as is often the case, towards yourself)?
Do you adore my work but tell yourself that you first need to do or be x? Where else in your life is your blindness to possibility making you feel like you’re not good enough or ready?
I could go on…. but you’ll need to invest in yourself with me first.
Everything is energy – and your brand/business, your financial flow, your relationships, your thought patterns: they are such a massive reflection of things you are not facing in yourself. I’m not saying you are in any way to BLAME for tough times in your life! But your response to them, and the consequences thereof…. well, that’s on you.
So if you’re not ready to be naked – metaphorically – and have me point out every shadow for the sake of integration and personal/professional progress – then my work is not for you.
But my super power, my so-called “gift”, is to be a mirror and reflect EVERYTHING you are. From the excuses you tell yourself, to the lie you might be living, I shine light on every thing you’ve subconsciously been hiding out of fear.
And the photos? I mean, they’re badass and will represent very aspect of who you are, yes…. but they’re just the cherry on top. No one hires me just for those (especially because people who “just want nice photos” are often pretty allergic to me anyway).
Message me if you’re ready to face the scary stuff for the sake of upleveling your growth, your brand, and your connection with yourself. You’d be surprised where living in truth will take you.
PS Portraiture becomes 10x more fun when you’re so naked with yourself, that a camera capturing you in an unexpected moment just feels… exciting. Everything can be a sign of what shadows to work on, if you know where to look – I just use my camera.